A practical guide to Child Arrangements, Parenting Plans, and the C100 Form, written for parents who can’t agree.
When Communication Breaks Down
We didn’t think it would end like this.
At first, it was small things. Missed calls. Short messages. Disagreements about bedtime or school pick-ups. But after we separated, those small things turned into silence. And that silence made everything harder, especially when it came to our children.
We both wanted what was best for them. But we couldn’t agree on what that looked like.
If you’re reading this, you might be in a similar place. You may be wondering how child arrangements work after separation, what your options are, and how to move forward when communication feels impossible.
This guide explains what you need to know, clearly, simply, and with real-life context.
What Are Child Arrangements?
Child arrangements are the practical agreements parents make about their children after separation.
They cover things like:
Where the children live
When they spend time with each parent
School holidays and special occasions
Communication (calls, messages, video contact)
If parents can agree, these arrangements can stay informal. If not, they may need to be formalised through mediation or the court.
For a more detailed breakdown, you can explore this guide on Child Arrangements.
Our Situation: “We Just Couldn’t Agree”
After we separated, we tried to sort things out ourselves.
One of us wanted a structured weekly routine. The other preferred flexibility. Every conversation turned into an argument.
Simple questions became stressful:
“What time are you picking them up?”
“Can they stay an extra night?”
“Who’s taking them to football?”
We stopped asking. And that’s when the problems really began.
Why Communication Matters More Than You Think
Children don’t just notice conflict, they feel it.
When parents struggle to communicate:
Plans become inconsistent
Children may feel unsure or anxious
Misunderstandings increase
We learned that even when emotions are high, having clear arrangements can reduce stress for everyone.
Creating a Parenting Plan
A parenting plan is a written record of what you both agree.
It doesn’t have to be complicated. It simply sets out:
Weekly routines
Holidays and birthdays
School arrangements
Decision-making (education, health, religion)
At first, we resisted the idea. Writing things down felt too formal.
But once we did, it helped. It reduced arguments because expectations were clear.
Practical Tip:
Keep your parenting plan realistic. It should reflect your children’s needs, not just what feels fair to each parent.
What If You Can’t Agree?
We reached a point where talking directly wasn’t working.
That’s when we were told about mediation.
Mediation gives you a space to:
Speak without interruption
Focus on your children
Work through disagreements with support
It’s not about taking sides. It’s about helping both parents find a way forward.
And importantly, before going to court, most parents are expected to attend a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting).
When Things Escalate: Court Applications
If agreement isn’t possible, you may need to apply to court.
This is done using a C100 form, which is used to apply for a Child Arrangements Order.
Before submitting this, you usually need to attend a MIAM, unless an exemption applies.
You can read more about whether you need a MIAM before applying using a C100 form.
When One Parent Stops Contact
At one stage, contact broke down completely.
Messages went unanswered. Plans were cancelled. The children were caught in the middle.
If you find yourself in this situation, it can feel overwhelming. But there are steps you can take.
This guide on when you cannot see your children explains what to do and how to respond calmly.
What the Court Considers
If your case does go to court, the focus is always on the child’s welfare.
This comes from the Children Act 1989, which sets out that the child’s welfare is the court’s main concern.
The court may consider:
The child’s wishes (depending on age and understanding)
Their physical and emotional needs
The impact of changes
Each parent’s ability to meet those needs
A well-known case, Re B (A Child) [2013] UKSC 33, reinforced that decisions must prioritise the child’s welfare above all else.
What We Learned (The Hard Way)
Looking back, our biggest challenge wasn’t the arrangements themselves.
It was how we communicated.
Here’s what helped us move forward:
1. Keep conversations child-focused
We stopped arguing about “fairness” and focused on what worked for the children.
2. Write things down
A clear parenting plan reduced confusion.
3. Accept compromise
Neither of us got everything we wanted. But the children got stability.
4. Use support when needed
Mediation helped us have conversations we couldn’t manage alone.
Common Questions Parents Ask
Do we need to go to court?
Not always. Many parents agree arrangements through discussion or mediation.
Is a Parenting Plan legally binding?
No, but it can be turned into a court order if needed.
What if arrangements stop working?
They can be reviewed and adjusted. Children’s needs change over time.
Where to Start
If you’re unsure what to do next, start small:
Write down what you think would work for your children
Try to have a calm conversation (if possible)
Consider mediation if communication is difficult
Learn about the C100 form if court might be needed
Taking the first step can feel difficult, but it leads to more stability for your children.
Final Thought
We didn’t fix everything overnight.
But once we focused on our children instead of our disagreements, things began to shift.
You don’t have to have all the answers straight away. But understanding your options around child arrangements, creating a parenting plan, and knowing when to use a C100 form can make a real difference.
If you’re at the beginning of this process, take it one step at a time.
