A practical guide to MIAMs: what they are, how to prepare, and how family mediation can support your next steps.
We Knew Something Had to Change
We didn’t start out expecting to rely on a mediator to help us communicate. Like many couples facing divorce, we thought we could sort things out ourselves.
But small disagreements turned into long silences. Conversations about money became arguments. Talking about the children felt impossible.
That’s when we heard about a MIAM - a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. At first, we weren’t sure what it meant or whether it would help. But we quickly realised it was the first step before going to court.
If you’re reading this, you’re likely in a similar place. Wondering what happens next. Wondering how to prepare.
We’ve been there. And this is what we wish we knew before attending a MIAM.
What Is a MIAM and Why Does It Matter?
A MIAM is an individual meeting with a trained mediator. Each person attends separately, rather than going together, giving you space to speak openly about your situation.
It gives you the chance to understand how family mediation works and whether it’s suitable for your circumstances.
In many cases, attending a MIAM is required before applying to the family court. It’s not about forcing you into mediation. It’s about exploring whether you can resolve things without going to court.
We found it helpful to read more about the process beforehand. This guide on attending MIAM in UK gave us a clearer idea of what to expect.
Our Biggest Fear: “What If We Can’t Even Talk?”
We were worried we’d be expected to sit together and argue. That wasn’t the case.
At a MIAM, you don’t attend as a couple. You each have your own separate meeting with the mediator, usually at different times. The mediator speaks to you individually about your situation, your concerns, and whether mediation feels appropriate.
For us, this took the pressure off. We didn’t need to “perform” or agree on anything straight away.
How We Prepared for Our MIAM
1. We Took Time to Think About What Matters
Before the meeting, we each wrote down what was important to us.
For one of us, it was the children’s routine. For the other, it was financial stability after the divorce.
You don’t need perfect answers. But having a rough idea helps you feel more confident.
2. We Gathered Basic Information
You don’t need to bring piles of paperwork to a MIAM. But it helps to have:
A general picture of your finances
Details about your children’s current arrangements
Any immediate concerns
If court is something you are considering, you may also come across services like a C100 completion service, which supports applications relating to children.
3. We Kept an Open Mind
We’ll be honest, we didn’t expect family mediation to work.
But the MIAM isn’t about committing to mediation. It’s about understanding your options.
The mediator explained things clearly. No pressure. Just information.
4. We Were Honest (Even When It Felt Uncomfortable)
This was probably the hardest part.
We had to explain what had gone wrong in our communication. Where things felt stuck.
But honesty helped the mediator understand whether mediation could work for us.
What Actually Happens During a MIAM?
The meeting usually lasts around an hour.
During that time, the mediator will:
Explain how family mediation works
Ask about your situation
Check if mediation is suitable
Discuss any safety concerns
Answer your questions
You attend this meeting on your own, and the other person will have their own separate MIAM.
We were also told about alternatives. Court is one option, but not the only one.
What If Mediation Goes Ahead?
If both people agree, mediation sessions can follow.
These sessions focus on practical issues like:
Child arrangements and co-parenting
Finances and property
Future communication
If an agreement is reached, it can later be made legally binding. For example, financial agreements may be turned into a consent order. If issues arise later, there are options to enforce consent order in UK.
What If Mediation Isn’t Suitable?
In some situations, mediation may not be appropriate.
This could be due to:
Safety concerns
Lack of willingness to engage
Complex legal issues
If that happens, the mediator signs the relevant court form to confirm you’ve attended a MIAM. This allows you to proceed with a court application if needed.
A Reality Check: It Didn’t Fix Everything Overnight
We didn’t walk out of the MIAM suddenly agreeing on everything.
But something shifted.
For the first time in months, we felt like there was a structured way to deal with things. A way that didn’t involve more conflict.
That alone made it worthwhile.
Practical Tips We’d Give Anyone Attending a MIAM
Be prepared, not perfect - You don’t need all the answers
Write things down - It helps organise your thoughts
Ask questions - The meeting is for you
Stay open-minded - You might be surprised
Focus on the future - Especially when children are involved
Why MIAMs Can Make a Difference
A MIAM isn’t about deciding everything in one go.
It’s about taking a step back. Understanding your options. And seeing whether family mediation could help you move forward.
For couples like us, who struggled to communicate, it offered something different. A calmer starting point.
Where to Start
If you’re considering your next step, you can begin by booking your own MIAM.
Each of you will attend separately, making it a straightforward first step to understand your options before making any big decisions.
Final Thought
Preparing for a MIAM isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about showing up, being open, and giving yourself the chance to resolve things in a more constructive way.
For us, it wasn’t the end of the journey, but it was a better place to begin.
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